Living with Uncertainty

Beautiful scenery that resulted from leaning into uncertainty

I recently got lost in the deep, piney woods of Navasota, Texas.

As I realized that the trees were beginning to all look the same, and I had absolutely no idea where I was, my impulse was to reach for my phone.

But something made me pause.

I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I had experienced this sensation; the sensation of not knowing where I was, not knowing which way to turn, not knowing how to get back to where I started.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had experienced the sensation of being lost.

The temptation to suddenly erase all of that uncertainty with the click of a button on my phone was ever present. But I decided to try resisting it. What would it be like to experience being lost? Could I handle leaning into the uncertainty of not knowing where I was?

I spend hours of my every workweek helping the brave people I work with explore and challenge their own relationships with uncertainty. And even if “befriending” uncertainty is not exactly the result, they are at least learning how to not get into so many wrestling matches with it.

Our lives are full of uncertainty. They are, in fact, bookended by it.

It was not certain when we would be born. But yet we were.

It is not certain when we will die. But yet we know we will.

And much of everything else that happens in between those two bookends is uncertain as well.

Much of our avoidance of uncertainty lies in our fear of getting hurt. Of pain. Of discomfort.

And it is true: there sure are a heck of a lot of things in life that can cause us all those things.

But it is also true that there are many things in life that bring us goodness, that bring us joy, happiness, pleasure, and peace.

When we avoid uncertainty, our efforts are often to avoid a perceived negative possibility from occurring.

But in eliminating that possibility, we are also eliminating the possibility of something good happening. The good things in life often have an equal – if not greater – chance at occurring.

Research shows that our brains naturally default to dwelling on the negative possibility. When we consider uncertainty, our brains can be quick to consider all of the negative possibilities that may occur, rather than the positive ones that have an equal shot at occurring, too.

As I write this, I am putting the finishing touches on this website for Heart of Texas Therapy Services. I am in the process of transitioning from a successful private practice to a group practice. I will soon be hiring my first employee.

Uncertainty abounds.

If you feel fearful and overwhelmed at the prospect of things that are uncertain in your life, then here’s a few things to consider:

1) Congratulations, you are human.

Most people do not like uncertainty. We like plans, we like guarantee, we like safety, we like foresight. And these are not always bad things. But we have to learn to live life confidently without them. And on some days and in some seasons of life, that’s really hard.

So if it’s hard for you right now, know that you are joining in with all of humanity. While your situation is unique to you, you are also not alone in your distress.

2) Look for the “what if” questions in your life.

Often our anxiety around uncertainty shows up as a “what if” thought. Look for these in your life. Some of them may sound like:

What if I can’t finish in time?

What if they don’t like me?

What if I make a fool of myself?

What if I’m not successful?

What if I can’t find my way home?

And while the temptation is to often freak out in response to these thoughts, and then double down on efforts to offer ourselves reassurance by avoiding the uncertainty…

…what might happen if you just simply stay with your “what if” thought?

What if you didn’t run away from it? What if you just simply stared it in the face, and followed it to conclusion?

Okay, what if I can’t find my way home? What might happen next? Will I survive? Will I be able to move on with my life? Am I competent enough to handle this? Is it really as bad as my anxiety is telling me it could be?

It might be as bad as you are fearing. But it also might not.

It might be your brain tricking you into focusing only on a perceived (and negative) possible outcome.

Anxiety is sneaky like that.

Had I avoided the uncertainty of being lost, I would have headed a different direction in order to more efficiently head back to my starting point, and I would have missed out on some beautiful scenery by the lake that I stumbled on (as seen in the picture at the top of this blog post).

Life can be so challenging. Uncertainty can be scary. It is good to prepare and plan.

But it is also good to occasionally re-evaluate our mindset around, and our relationship with, uncertainty.

Uncertainty is something that we both begin and will end with.

Our lives, quite literally, depend on it.